Thursday, October 1, 2009
Mountain of Dreams
As I am opening a magazine before I go to bed, what do I see before my eyes but a paid trip for a journey up Mount Everest. My eyes grow more tired as the minutes go by, becoming a struggle to keep them open. Soon I find myself at this natural beauty. We are climbing higher and higher and we are becoming weaker and weaker. The temperature has been dropping as we escalate up this wondrous beauty. We must pitch a tent before day turns to night--providing us with warmth and protection. Starting a fire can be such a difficult task, so we try and try again. Each time it ignites, the strong winds blow it out like a candle. Goose bumps on my body have become such a tremendous size that it feels as though they alone could reach the top of this mountain. Camp, now set for the night, leaves us waiting with dreams floating around in our heads before the sun rises once again. When I open my eyes I find myself lying in my bed untucked from the comforter to discover that all of this was simply a dream in my head. All of that excitement over nothing. Not to my surprise, the heater in my house broke that night.
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Leah,
ReplyDeleteI really like this poem. The part where you say that your goosebumps could reach the mountain top alone was a really good metaphor, at least I think that's what it is. Great Job!
-Karen
Taht's really cool! I felt like I was actually there. you shouldn't change anything about it.
ReplyDeleteLeah this is so cool! I really like the way you discribed the mountin like you were actually there, even though you were just look at a magazine! This was totally awsome!
ReplyDeleteI like how you really described the mountain, and how you saw all that just by looking at a magazine.Of course, it is disapointing that it was just just a dream, but this is really well written.
ReplyDeleteHey BEAST! I think that this response was just great. As you kept describing the weather and the elevation I really felt like I was there. It was a great image in my head. I really loved that part where you said "Each time it ignites the strong wind blows it out like a candel" That was great. It really made the picture in my head show how hard the winds were. The other part of this that I really liked were the part where you said "Goosebumps on my body have become such a tremendous size that they alone could reach the top of the mountain." Again I think that everything you said in this responce was great and I don't think that you should change one thing about it. It was just AAMMAAZZIINNGG!!! :)~Keep up the grrrrreat writing Leah!~
ReplyDeleteThis is a fun recollection of a dream state. Very fun. I wouldn't call it poetry, as some commented, but it is more a personal narrative. Don't forget that when you use the dash construction, the text following the dash expands on the concept immediately before the dash. Here it reads like the night is providing warmth, which I know you didn't mean. Also consider using paragraphs more often to organize your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteThat was a really good jouirnal entry. The imagery in that was very strong. I like how you had a little bit of comedy at the end, nice job.
ReplyDeleteLeah, I really liked your poem. It was pretty cool how you pictured yourself on a mountain. This is really good.
ReplyDeleteI really like that jounal entry. It was very descriptive and made me feel like a was there. I also like at the end how you changed it to dreaming again, and you were back at home.
ReplyDeleteThat is an excellent piece! I really like the way you say: "We are climbing higher and higher and we are becoming weaker and weaker.". Also, I agree with Brad, it is cool how you begin at home, dream, and then return home.
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