Friday, September 18, 2009
Day of Storms
Driving home peacefully as the clock is striking noon. Clouds begin to form overhead and they darken, darken, darken untill they hit an intensely dark shade of grey. The sky above is tinted yellow and I know what to expect; then, no surprise to me, the sirens start warning us that a tornado has formed. BANG, POW, CRASH! Lightning surrounds us flashing so frequently it was as if paparazzi had surrounded our car. The rumbling thunder had gotten louder than guns firing and it shook the car. Hail dropped so fast that it looked like snow was lying in piles next to us. Traffic had come to a complete stop. We were stuck in this terrible storm. I thought I would die this day. But traffic began clearing, along with the clouds and the rain and the hail. I saw blue sky for the first time in hours. We made it home and the storm eventually caught up with us, but this time I was at home with my family and everyone was comforted through the whole storm.
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I really liked this piece; it's a scene most people can definitely identify with, and you place the reader right in the midst of it. Cool.
ReplyDeleteThis has great imagery, and really puts you there. However, there is a limit to how much metaphor and simile you can put in something without making it tedious.:) I liked the kind of soft touch for the conclusion.
ReplyDeleteThat is an excellent piece. I really like how you repeat "darken" and say "BANG, POW, CRASH!", it makes the sence seem as if it was happening right now. There is nothing I would change about it. Nice work! :]
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