The waves begin crashing across the shore,
leaving shells for Florida to collect.
We soon travel up to the condo,
and sort mysterious shells on the deck.
Our next stop is the pool.
I play shark attack with my sister.
After six minutes running away
I got a huge, bright red blister.
Now we are at the restaurant,
I’m liking that we are eating,
the great tasting cake is so moist,
but I pack now 'cause we're leaving.
It was quite a trip to Florida
simply relaxing on the shore,
Thinking back to this, I cannot wait
until we return once more.
I really like how you wrote such a relazing poem, I love the beach! I like how it makes me feel how I am at the scene. Maybe next time you could describe the area a liitle bit more, but overall this is amazing.
ReplyDeleteThis is really good. I like how you turned it into a poem in a way that made it rhyme. Also it's really cool how you describe everything so well. I really don't see anything wrong with this piece.
ReplyDeleteI like the poem too, the way it naturally flowed during journaling. Go back, beside fixing spelling stuff, and visit how long your lines are, and the established cadence. If you have a rhyme scheme, you have a closed form, so the meter and cadence need to be tight. See me if you need help.
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